I have been going through a lot of things---well our family is just going through a hard time.
I have been spending more time just trying to keep things together at home between my husband and me.
"Rough Patches" in Life
My husband and I have been married for 3 years as of July 12, and right now, I am just going through a hard time not being able to really connect with my husband through conversation! I remember as a newly wed the importance of "communication" in a marriage. I still hear the voices of many mature married couples saying to me how important communication is in a relationship. I want so many things to click in our marriage right now....and I feel so outnumbered by the so many "misunderstandings" due to a lack of communication. Every couple I think goes through these rough patches in life.
If and Only
He is in a new job right now, and not in the best of places--from what I can tell one of the "lowest" positions. The job is rough on him physically, the money is alright, better than before though. I am so glad that he got this job, I am very thankful.
Before he landed this job. I had a few thoughts about how great life would be if only he landed this job. I had thought if only God got him this job.....
- that he would have more time for his family
- that he would spend more time reading and praying
- that he would be more involved in friends and family
- that we would be more happier
- that we would feel more secure financially
I had thought that if only he got a job in this business that he would rejoice and praise God and learn to trust God. I had thought that his faith in Christ would grow. That he would spend more time in the Bible. Not much has changed since he got this job. It seems that this job would allow him to slow down and not worry and spend more time with us at home, but I am learning that Circumstances do not change our Attitudes or a Heart condition. I think we as humans can always find something to worry about or feel like we need to "get somewhere or something" in order for our lives to feel fulfilled or satisfied or even somewhat perfect.
Trusting God's Sovereignty;
I find myself more hurt, more lost, and much more angry inside if I always hang on to "If Only" scenarios. Honestly for the last month or two, I have kept chewing on the "If only I did not get married" thought. I grew angry at my life, at my husband, at myself, and angry at God. I found myself doubting and regretting marriage. I kept wishing things to be different! For my husband to be different. For life to be different.
And then, I looked at the gift of a child God had given me. My thoughts about If Only stop. No, I cannot regret our daughter being born. Neither can I regret being married anymore. The truth in Psalm 139 proclaims how God formed her within me, and she is a gift from God Himself. She was made for a purpose--just as I am and you are, and every single person in the world is. Things do not just happen. God does not just lose control and "accidentally" allows someone to get married. He is in control. He is sovereign. He reigns. He allows things to happen, and for his glory. All things work together for good. God still has a purpose for my life. He still has a purpose for my husband. I must choose to allow Him to work in my life. I must surrender my life and acknowledge that he is the potter and I am just clay in his hands. He will make me into a vessel of his choosing, for His purpose. I can choose to yield to Him. I can choose to have him have his way in my life. I must quit trying to tell God "If Only" ___________ then I would _____________.
Getting the Beam Out of My Eye--and Being Forgiving towards (my) our HusbandsI lost myself, you guys. I grieved for what could have been. I grew bitter at why I could not have been a missionary living somewhere exotic or harsh where I was sure that my faith in Christ would grow much more. I imagined myself to be married to a missionary whose faith in Christ and love spurred my faith and love in Christ too. I thought this is where I'd be the most happiest.
In looking back, I see now that I am blaming my husband for my unhappiness and for my lack of spiritual growth. Here are some of my thoughts:
I want my husband to want God. I want him to be the head over our home. I want him to be the spiritual leader. I feel like its lacking big time.
You know it's not wrong to want this for someone. But where I went sour was the fact that I blamed him for my unhappiness. Depended upon him for my spiritual growth. Also, the fact that I want and expect this out of my husband and not myself is ridiculous. I need to get the beam out of my own eye and right the things in my own life.
A Wife's Prayer
There was a woman, a wife, who saw her husband needing help, direction. She prayed for her husband. She asked God to guide him and to keep him as well as to give her the wisdom to be who she needed to be for her husband. She prayed for her husband and marriage.
She did not think "what if we did not get married." She prayed, "God, you put us together for a reason." She did not give into any bitter thinkings. She just simply submitted her marriage, her husband, and herself to God. Her prayer was so simple, yet so powerful to me. I was just blown away at the answer to my problems and frustrations in life. God wants me to pray and come to Him with everything, including marriage. (I was watching a Christian movie called What If.)
God has me in the right place right now. I know he does. God is sovereign over my life. He can change our marriage. He can help my husband and I get back on the right path again.
I don't know...right now I am hanging on by faith....and praying for my husband. I am not perfect. I have my sins and my fault in fights we have. But I know that Praying for our Husbands is huge. Prayer is powerful, ladies. God is at the other end of prayer.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;" I Peter 3:1
Disclaimer: I am just writing what I am learning right now. I know that I am lacking a lot of Scripture verses and references. But am basing a lot of things I write on verses. I hope to put in more verses as I find them. Just troublesome times and this is something in marriage that I am going through and just needed to pen it down. This is the path that God is just showing to me little by little. I hope it encourages you. and I would love to get any help or advice and verses. Thanks